"In Touch"

I look past my plate
To see the garbage can.
My head isn’t tuned in
And my body feels week within.
I can’t get myself to pick up my fork
And I can see that my goal requires much work
And strength I can’t seem to find.
I feel as though I might lose my mind.
This feels like a never ending chain
And I can hear God calling my name.
I can’t seem to answer him
And the devil is on the other end.
He knows where I am weak
And that he can convince me not to eat.
My hands tremble
And my heart grows weak.
My eyelids are heavy
But I push to stay awake.
People start to notice
That I tend to lose focus.
I usually find a way to hide
But my insecurity peaks from behind the blind.
I give up, my body crashes
And I hear God say I’m hiding my beauty beneath the ashes.
He wants to pull me out of the pit I’m in
And I can hear my heart calling out to him.
Finally, I’m giving in.
Tears fall down my face
As I feel his warm embrace.
Through all of this, my battle is not yet over.
I’m still looking for some closure.
My body is slowly regaining strength
And my fork now rests on an empty plate.
God is still working in me
And making me into the woman he wants me to be.
I often look past my plate
And see that garbage can to the right.
The temptation is still there
But I just say one quick prayer.
I feel strong inside
And my body is finally satisfied.